importance

12. Being Present with Children

janko-ferlic-303881I find kids to be a great cross-reference for me to show me whether I am here, present with them or in my mind – if for example I’m allowing myself to go into worries and fears and concerns instead of being here with them…

I would for example be sitting and not realizing time has gone by and I was in my head until a child comes up and asks me a question. I realize  whoa wait – what did I miss? Where did the time go by? This is a serious point because time goes by and if our attention is placed around problems we keep thinking, obsessing and focusing about, we are allowing our reality and our kids to ”go on by” without our attention, guidance and direction – and in some cases our inattention and unawareness of what is going around us can create consequences in reality we don’t want to experience.

Kids are also exceptionally great at testing you for real-time change. There was a specific moment where I was not happy in how I interacted with a parent. I wish I could have said and done something better and I dipped into this low-experience of judging myself but soon enough kids came into my presence and ”interrupted” me from this experience – rattling me out of the mood, present, physical, needing me HERE with them.  I saw this very clearly the distinction of what matters – what matters is for me to be present, here, stable with the kids. They are what matters. They need an adult ”here” in reality because they are here in reality.

I’d say you really see who you are and where you place importance when you are with kids. Kids are very physical, very ”in-tune” with themselves and their bodies. They don’t think or have so many thoughts like us – they live in the present, they express themselves unconditionally, they are HERE in reality, and they will naturally interrupt or snap us back to reality with their questions, their need of our presence, their tugs at our arm or a grab of our hand… THEY NEED US and so we need to BE THERE for them.

Suggested Steps to Assist in Remaining Present with Children:

  • Acknowledge what we are so pre-occupied with in our heads (ie: what are the emotions, experiences or unresolved issues you can’t seem to understand or forgive, in fact)
  • Help yourself to find the resources and tools you need to resolve these issues that are unresolved and busy mulling around in your head. Match the emotions to specific memories and walk forgiveness to release yourself, gain clarity and realizations. These personal issues you have can take up so much space and energy in your self and body to the point where it’s hard to stay present with the kids. Kids need you to be present here with them, just as you would have liked your parents/adults to be present and with you when you were a kid.
  • Be consistent in supporting yourself, taking care of yourself and resolving points in you on a daily, moment-by-moment basis to ensure you keep your body and self working properly, steady, and strong.

 

Recommended Resources:

DIP Lite – Free Self-Development Course

EQAFE.com – Self-Perfection Merchandise

School of Ultimate Living – Life Creation through Words

 

Additional Support:

Parenting – Perfecting the Human Race

Extraordinary Parenting: Leila Zamora Moreno

Teacher’s Journey to Life with Anna Brix Thomsen

11. If I tell the kids something they don’t want to do = I am mean

brandon-morgan-16639Belief: If I tell the kids something they don’t want to do = I am mean

Context: Telling the kids they have to clean up after themselves from the items/they took out for themselves, especially when it’s ”crunch time” and we need to be somewhere soon. From them there is resistance, temper tantrums, avoidances, and big ”no!”s I think/believe I am not a nice person (but mean) if I tell them to do something they don’t want to do. Yet these kids needs to be aware of our schedule, that at a certain time of day we have to clean up everything to move onto the next thing in our schedule effectively.

Additional note: Perhaps the kids don’t know or realize the responsibility, reasons/purpose as to why we need to clean up.  Even if they do realize/see, and still fight/resist cleaning up they have to do. These kids are placed in an environment by/through the parents and are given no choice about it. That means they also have to follow the rules of this environment, but if the rules are in alignment with what is best for all – then it’s a great training ground for them to practice living with others effectively.

Self-Forgiveness: 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I tell kids to do something they don’t want to do then I am mean

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when a kid doesn’t want to do something – such as cleaning up after themselves it means I am a mean teacher instead of realizing the child resisting the task has nothing to do with me but the relationship the child has formed toward the task and thus it is part of my responsibility to work with the child in having them release the resistance they have formed with/toward the task

I commit myself to find ways/means/methods to support children through resistances they have towards tasks, such as cleaning up after themselves so that they can find joy in everything they do

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to clarify with the children why we need to clean up – why it benefits all of us on an individual and collective level, illustrating through words or pictures the value and benefits of taking responsibility and putting back/cleaning up what you use has on a person in the long-run

I commit myself to educate, share and explain the benefits and importance of taking care of what we use and putting it away/cleaning it up properly

I commit myself to live the word CARE for my environment – caring for the items in my home and environment by taking care of them properly

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to find ways to make cleaning up fun for the children – such as putting on music, or making a game, or picking the jobs out of a hat, or having us live a word like ”Slowing Down” with cleaning where our movements are slow…using various ways and methods to be creative in the moment with what we do and not just stay limited in cleaning up/doing a task one way

I commit myself to make chores/errands in my life more enjoyable by listening to music, or finding some other creative method to enjoy what I’m doing more

I commit myself to make clean up time fun/enjoyable for the kids by putting on music, having us live a word, making a game out of it

I commit myself to educate the kids on why we need to clean up at a certain time, and what are the consequences if we don’t clean up at a certain time

Within this I realize just because kids don’t like something I say doesn’t mean I am a mean person or certain person but that there is a negative relationship they have towards the task/what I just said.  It’s also important I check in me to see if I have any resistance to doing tasks, and to make sure when there is resistance I sort it out or push through it, because if I allow resistance in me with doing tasks and don’t do them, how can I support children through it?

 

Additional Support:

Parenting – Perfecting the Human Race

Extraordinary Parenting: Leila Zamora Moreno

Teacher’s Journey to Life with Anna Brix Thomsen