reality

5. From Reacting to Understanding

children montessori reacting to understanding helping them fufill a needI had for a long time reacted to 4 year old V for his behavior and difficulty listening to teachers and children. He is different in that he cannot connect easily with the school materials and/or with other children by socializing.

What started happening was V began to give a lot of physical contact to the teachers and children, where he would randomly go up to a children and try to kiss them on the cheek, lips, or arm. Children would react to this, yelling or hitting him to go away, and so we as teachers started to teach V about space and asking before kissing children. This helped to an extent but then V continued with the physical attention without asking.

One day I looked deeper at the point, looking at human needs, and what this child’s behavior is showing me about needs he wants fulfilled. I saw V needed personal attention and physical touch as groundedness, which was what he was trying to do for himself by kissing and touching children, but it was bringing consequence to him.

Sunette from EQAFE.com showed me how V is an emotionally oriented child and does require personal attention because it is what he needs and by me supporting this need will support him with less consequences. One example to support him is sitting with him and reading a book for example, where we act out certain parts from the book (the character jumps so we physically jump) — making the together time a physical activity thing supporting him to stay grounded in the physical (so it’s not just all mental like reading and looking at pictures) but combining the mental, physical and potential education for him.

By supporting V to fulfill his need of attention, this can assist him to settle down within himself and not need so much attention from others, which then lessens consequences. Then additionally V now can move on to fulfill another need that will support him in reaching his utmost potential the more he develops/walks in life.

So for me, I have been shifting my focus to reacting to V to observing V — asking myself what does he NEED, what is his (problematic) behavior showing me that I can support himself with?

I got to apply this point of supporting him when V started to cause conflict between two boys. He kept poking them and being in their space when they were telling him to stop and go away. I used the opportunity to invite V to help me with laundry, since all the other children were busy. V came with me, and I showed him how the dryer works, and had him participate with me in taking the lint off of the lint catcher and putting clothes in the dryer.  We talked and I made sure he was engaged in the task. Once we were finished we went upstairs to look for something, then eventually we went back downstairs where V was more calmer and went to join children drawing.

So, this was a cool point to realize for myself, to shift focus from reacting to understanding – asking myself what does this child need, how can I support him…and find ways to get the child involved mentally and physically by fulfilling his need.  If we as adults practice and apply this consistently for our children, we support them in developing their self-stability, talents and self-awareness.

Thanks for reading.

Advertisements

4. The Problem with School Lunches

 

photo-1445093498563-4ba5fecf1bc7My situation is specific since I work in a private kindergarten, so I will write from that starting point:

Children and school staff are only allowed to eat the lunch the chef prepares for everyone. The food is specifically vegetarian as well. Any outside food is really not welcomed since it can cause a distraction and does not fit in with the school community rules. Unless of course, one has serious health issues or food intolerances written on a note from a doctor, then they can bring their own food.

Customized food from the chef is not frequently available due to the resources and time to prepare the food.  One of my coworkers is gluten-intolerant, and sometimes the chef has food for her to eat, but other times there isn’t so the teacher has to pick on the other foods (like salad).

For me as a teacher assistant the obligation of having to eat this food is one of the personal problems I have with the school. First because: children are essentially ”forced” to eat food they are served with, and some children don’t like the food at all and refuse to eat, causing conflicts and disagreements between the child and teacher. For me I experience an internal conflict when this happens, because I want to respect the child’s refusal of the food but as my ”job” as the teacher I have to try and make them eat something. 

When a child doesn’t want to eat anything, the teachers and I are not allowed to give that child another type of food or snack  (i.e and apple or banana) because that would influence the other children to want to eat that instead, therefore we as staff we are obligated to either forcibly recommend the child to eat a little piece of the food or just have them sit there and not eat.

Me personally would like to bring my own lunch because some of the food the school presents is heavy in dairy or carbs which is what I don’t like eating in the day (it makes me tired). We have heard complaints from parents themselves of the choice of lunches but despite it nothing has changed. Being a teacher assistant I must be an example to the children, follow the classroom rules and eat what is given to me, even despite my internal dissatisfaction.

These lunch rules really honestly suck in my perspective and I dearly wish that there was the option of children and teachers being able to bring their own food. We would still be able to get that sense of ”community” the school emphasis by sitting with each other, but we have the freedom of choice to eat what the school makes for us, or eat the lunch from home.

In an ideal world, each child and teacher would have the knowledge and awareness of the food that they want and is supportive for their body, and that food would be available for them to eat. Similar like a free-for-all buffet line with an abundant of foods that the child and teacher can freely choose at their will when they are hungry.

How can we as teachers, school staff, parents get to this idealized lunch time for the school participants? Is this even possible?

Yes, it is possible, but it requires a decision by the collective — an agreement with the community and school director, and a responsibility and awareness of the financial needs of food transportation, food availability and what is best for the children and teaching staff. 

3. What Really Goes on in the Classroom?

Q5FJUK9OFHI attended a parent’s evening where the other teachers and I got to give presentations on what we do with the children and answer questions for the parents.

One of the teachers I work with shared a new pattern that has been developing with children in our classroom – and that is children judging and critiquing other children’s work by calling names in a negative sense, like for example a boy saying to another boy’s painting ”that is kitsy kratsy” – an expression basically meaning that work is babyish/like scribble.

When the teacher spoke and acted out the words as the boy (”kitsy kratsy”) at the meeting, the parents in the room laughed.  This was an interesting behavior that I did not expect from them, and perhaps it was because I forgot for a moment that the parents do not get to experience what it’s like in the classroom, and that to see the reality and the outflows when children make fun of each other’s work is actually not funny and we have a as teachers/staff have to deal with it.

Sure it may seem funny when the teacher pretends to be a child and act out the calling of names, but when you’re actually experiencing it by seeing other children say these remarks and comments towards another with the intent of getting some form of attention or to trigger reactions in another child — it’s actually not something to laugh about.  The result of a child crying or becoming upset is not fun to see and experience, and if the parent saw their own child having their work being made fun of/criticized/judged by others I’m sure they would not be laughing too.

One problem from this is how parents/child caretakers are very much separated and unaware of the social interactions that go on in the classroom, and I really think they should be aware of their child’s daily interactions with others because it is through daily interactions children have with the environment and other people that they develop themselves by seeing what is accepted and allowed and ok, and from this act on what they see others do.

If we have parents/teachers/adults allow bullying and name-calling to go on in the environment without intervention, children will continue to do it because they see it as ok.  If we find these things funny and not so serious to deal with, this may damage the child more than we may realize.  But the problem is is that we are not skilled or prepared (as teachers/parents, etc) on how to deal and handle conflict effectively to the point where we can support a child to stop and change a behavior completely that is best for all.  In the classroom I work in, we have intervened, though it has been difficult getting through to the child to stop the behavior/pattern completely — where the child will repeat it the next day. There seems to be an addiction to triggering other’s reactions by name-calling and bullying, and perhaps it is because of the nature we as adults exist in being addicted to the positive and emotional energies of the mind.

So, before I get off track, I’d like to get back to my point and that is how parents/caretakers are not aware of what goes on in the classroom as much as teachers/school staff, and I really think the parents should be aware 100% of how their child is acting in the classroom and interacting with students, because there is only so much teachers can do — we can direct, intervene, share knowledge, but it is really the parents that require to be just as attentive, supportive and aware of how the child is in the classroom because only then can they see what they need to align in themselves and their lives because however and whoever the parent is in their self-expression in how they exist for their child will influence the child, and the child will act according to how they have been brought up and witnessed in their parents and act it out in the classroom (and in life too).

Yet parents have to work to make money/survive and the education system is exactly set up to allow parents to fulfill their daily jobs while the children are taken care of by teachers. I really truly believe the best education a child can receive is from their parents, where parents really show and stand as examples of what it is like to treat others the way they want to be treated and live life in respect of oneself and the world. This to me is ideal, because if the parent is sound and stable in who they are and they through their living actions and words show their child how to live and act, that will influence and strengthen the child positively, that will send ripples throughout the world.

At this time parents and caretakers must go to work and use their time away from their child to perform duties simply to make money to survive. Despite this, there are courses and information parents can read and utilize from the (little) time they may have to assist them in understanding how to take care of oneself and one’s child in thought, word and deed in a way where the ripples of one’s action is a step to making this world a better place.  They can listen to parenting recordings on EQAFE, learn how to live through the power of words, and take a free self-developmental course.